Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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