Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
