21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
