I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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