I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
