He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
