Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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