did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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