the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
