If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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