pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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