the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
