Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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