i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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