no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
