well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
