Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
