No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
