I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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