he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
