I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
