party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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