i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
