whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
