My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
