Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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