I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
