when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
