dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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