Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
