i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
