Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
