I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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