I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize