but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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