So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
