Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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