Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
True strength comes from lack of pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
