Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
