i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
