I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
