Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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