It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
