Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
