The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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