I feel great
I just peed on a car
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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