"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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