I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
