So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
