Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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