Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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