my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
