no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
