do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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