:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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