im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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