yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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