Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We need a shit load of segways right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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