I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
