M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize