My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
