My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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