Moan for me like Helen Keller
they need to just BURY HIM!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
