A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
