Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You were trust falling into bushes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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