I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
