the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
