I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
