Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
