I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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