This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Found the puke drawer
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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