you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it was like eating out sand paper
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
