I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
