Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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