News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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